It’s one of the worst feelings in the world. The casino is beating you up. You can’t hit on any of your games. Finally, you are pulling dust. You’re at your budget for the trip. What now? My old man used to always say, “It’s not how you play when you are winning, it’s how you play when you are losing.” Man, I wish I listened to him 😉
Me personally, I am willing to lose $0 – which is a TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE way to gamble. Fortunately, for you, I have made so many gambling mistakes I can basically tell you to do the opposite of what I do and if you follow my advice (which I don’t follow) you will never be disappointed after a weekend of gambling (which happens to me often) and be forced to eat Ramen Noodles and tuna out of a can until your next paycheck (which happens to the best of us, on occasion).
1. Keep your bets low enough that if you lost every bet your money would last the whole trip
This seems like common sense, but when you sit down to start betting particularly after a few winning sessions using house money, one has the tendency to bet bigger, hoping for the same result, quicker. This is a terrible idea. Keep your bets small enough that you can 1) minimize your losses and 2) have a bankroll for the whole trip. This will position you to have a great weekend.
2. Try to plan gambling sessions and stick to the plan
Countless times, I’ve walked up to a table or machine and said, I’m only going to play $500 here for no longer than an hour. Rarely, when I go against my plan does things work out well. Most times I end up blowing way more than I planned or losing money I had won in the session.
Set a plan, stick to it. It will do your gambling conscience good and keep your trip rolling.
3. Don’t wait for drinks
In my lifetime, I have lost so much money waiting for the drink lady to come back with my cocktail. And it’s a crappy drink, that I would have spent less at the bar buying, and I could have used the exercise. I don’t want to talk about this. It hurts too much to think about it. Don’t do it. Get up and go to the bar, fatty.
4. Don’t tell people to come get you
This is actually one I don’t do, but my friends that do it love to blame me for not getting there quick enough to stop them from losing money. Stop it. You said we were going to meet somewhere JUST COME TO WHERE WE SAID WE WOULD MEET. You’re being a dick and costing everyone money.
5. Don’t make your friends watch you play (unless they want to)
This is an extension of the last point. If people have come to pick you up, it’s time to go OR let them go to where they are going. You are being a total dick and pissing everyone off behind you. The bad energy will only make you lose.
6. Don’t throw haymakers, do keep your same bets though
So this is maybe one of the biggest lessons in life I’ve learned, and still struggle with. As I am running out of money, I start betting bigger, taking bigger chances, playing opposite my strategy – these are terrible choices. Consistency of bets and strategy will give you the most for your experience.
One other thing, if you had planned to bet $5 a hand consistently and decide to reduce your bets, in the same session, to make them last longer, to $2.50, when you hit the $2000 Royal instead of a $4000 Royal, it is going to hurt your brain. You probably shouldn’t be betting $5 bets in the first place. Reconsider your strategy.
7. If you go past your budget, step your bets in half, if possible, and mentally reward yourself for smaller hits
So you’re out of money now. Life sucks. You can either go to the well or stop gambling. This is probably the most important lesson that I cannot teach myself. When I go to the well, I am coming back with my same level bet. The times I’ve reduced my bet and gotten some hits, they have been less satisfying.
These out of budget sessions should be treated as a separate trip and any hits, small or otherwise, should be celebrated. Otherwise, WTF are you doing?!?
8. Change casinos, fast
This one has always been the best piece of advice for me, and one that I often follow. I can’t explain it, but when I am losing, stand up, and walk to another casino it feels like that was a loss that happened in a different time, and I play with more acuity and confidence. The times I refuse to leave a casino, have rarely rarely rarely worked out for me. If the casino is mad at you, it needs time to cool off. In places like AC and Vegas, this is actually extremely fun to do as well. I love this move.
8. Take a break, faster
And finally, the best piece of advice that I have never listened to. Find ways to take breaks from gambling. You may feel like you’re on a hot table or at a hot machine, and that may be true, but stand up while it is hot.
Casinos make it hard for you to do this by keeping a limited number of tables or games available so demand is high. I’ve seen people wait in line to play a machine or a table game – which is crazy to me – but also I get it. If it is constantly hitting, I want a swing as well. But don’t fall for this casino trick. Walk away.
Well, that’s all the advice I can give you here in this little area of my experience. I hope you can take these lessons away with you and have a great time gambling because I certainly cannot.
In closing, be smart and walk away, unlike yours truly, Captain Stupid McBetting Man.
