By now you’ve heard about my bad timing, but as much as I talk about it, my timing only seems to fail me when I force it. If I take things as they come, my timing almost always works out perfectly. And this return road trip is a story about perfect timing.
When I hit the road, there was not a whole hell of a lot going on – I stopped at whatever parks and sites I could see. It took a toll on the mind and my ass. SO MUCH DRIVING. If you’ve read the sightseeing article, you know when I got to San Francisco, I had to make a decision: a) Drive to Eureka, see the awesome Redwoods, then head to Portland and Seattle and see the final destination of the ultimate gamblers, Lewis and Clark, who braved the uncharted lands to find a route to the west ends of America; OR b) start my trip East towards casinos and home.
I flipped a coin. TAILS. The awesome trip to the Northwest would have to happen another time and my casino trip would start IMMEDIATELY! I made a beeline for the Hard Rock, just about forty minutes out of Sacramento.
Hard Rock Sacramento, California
The Hard Rock Sacramento Casino is a medium drive away from the Sacramento, closer to the east side of the state, just a little bit more north. Honestly, California is TOO FREAKIN BIG. Just an amazing state. And a PIA when trying to get from here to there. But this casino is well worth the drive. She appears smack in the middle of a small plain, and the western sun bakes everything it touches with a warm glow.
This was my first post-COVID-lockdown stop, and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but these peeps weren’t fooling around. They had gigantic spacing in the front of the casino, equipped with mask and sanitizing stations on the way in. At the doorway, there were multiple thermal scanners and after some brief questions about where have you been, you’re allowed to head on in, mask ON.
Inside, it’s much of what you would expect from a Hard Rock. This brand has figured their shit out, and I love it. Even though the masks and spacing put a damper on the environment, the Hard Rock staff did everything they could to keep the mood right and the energy up. The have a great selection of machines (minus the $2 video poker, Hard Rock we need more $2 video poker EVERYWHERE) and a beautiful hotel with gigantic rooms, and friendly, cautious staff, which really made me feel safe here. I spotted a Super Times Pay Triple Double Bonus Poker machine. This was one of my favorite machines in the world. Everything was perfect, except for the gigantic Karen sitting two spots away and her bad luck.
Her mask was pulled down to her chin, with literally no happiness in her body. She gave me a disapproving look and mumbled, ” I don’t like you close.” At that moment, a cashier walked up to the enormity to politely remind her she needs to have her mask on unless she’s smoking or drinking. Big Karen stared the worker down and lit up a cigarette. Bad energy, I’m OUT. I stood up, without playing, and walked off, fighting the urge to smush her face into the freshly cleaned video poker terminal.
I walked over to the bar and picked up a beer, sipped it, and then strolled about the gorgeous casino. I played a bit of Blackjack with the new plexi-guards and three to a table rule. It was less fun, but we’re literally on the other side of a lockdown, so I will STFU. I stopped at a video poker machine in high limit, and hit for a quick $1000 (one of four $2 video poker machines in the casino). Just as I hit the second $500 four of a kind, I heard fatso Karen, “Ugh, you,” as she plopped her ass into a machine with direct eye contact. PERFECT TIMING.
CASH OUT. I ran back to my Super Times Pay machine – actually this was a DOUBLE Super Times Pay machine (yay!). I had what was maybe the greatest action of my life. I think I played for four hours with two hundred dollars, betting between $14 and $21 per deal. Just absolutely amazing. I met some people at the bar later but quite frankly, we were all being too cautious to chat properly. This place must be fantastic when in full swing. I will be back!
Shoshone Bannock Casino, Idaho
After I left Sacramento, I passed through Reno. I’ve never stopped there and I have heard how beautiful Reno and Lake Tahoe are, but Nevada was not out of COVID yet. Maybe next time. I moved on to Idaho, and by a culmination of events, I just so happened upon a pretty casino an hour or so west of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I had four hours to kill. WHY NOT GAMBLE?
Shoshone-Bannock is an Indian casino, not the large corporate type of casino, and, as I’ve discovered, there is an added level of pride, respect and courtesy extended to you for bringing your business there.
Although that casino was in pandemic mode, I can’t tell you how wonderful the entire bartending, hosts and service staff were there. I watched a bartender run out to the parking lot to let a lady know she had $50 in the machine. The staff couldn’t be more accommodating. A host and I spent a good five minutes talking about the area, things to see and do and just overall life in Idaho versus Pennsylvania.
When I lost my first couple of bucks, I could barely care. I love good energy and, although I only planned on playing a few hundred, I tapped the ATM. I found a Triple Double Bonus Poker machine and for some reason thought, “yeah, let me take a swing.”
Whelp, the timing turned out to be perfect, again. I hit my beloved Four Aces with Any 2,3,4 for the Royal Flush payout. I was so happy I could die. Will was my cashier who assisted with the handpay. We had a great chat.
When I was leaving the casino, I was bummed because I didn’t want to leave. Of course, I was happy I was up but this is the kind of place I’d like to live next to.
These are the kind of peeps I would love to grab a few beers and talk nonsense with. Go there if you’re ever on the east side of Idaho and tell them the guy from Pennsylvania sent ya 😉
Deadwood, South Dakota Casinos: Calico Jack’s, Silverado Franklin and Others
For any of you who watched the HBO series Deadwood, this town is for you. For any of you who like to drink, gamble and have a good time, THIS TOWN IS FOR YOU. I planned to do one night in Deadwood and by means of adventure, ended up staying three. I love this town.
Calico Jacks is a chain restaurant/casino and being that it was my first venture into the area, I played it safe. They have a weird hotel setup as three separate hotels are connected to them. Double-Tree was beautiful (not comped) and the casino had a hip small Vegas look and feel.
Silverado Franklin was probably my favorite casino in Deadwood. As with almost all casinos outside of Nevada and AC, you have to pay for drinks even when playing until a host sees you. The place is big, they have a beautiful patio for drinks and people watching, and they have $2 VIDEO POKER!!!!!
I had a wonderful talk with one of the managers on staff. She walked me around a bit to show me what’s what (I wished I wrote her name down, she was too much fun to talk to. Another drinking buddy someday!). When we finished chatting, my machine was taken. I walked to the bar and picked up a cocktail instead. The bartender and I were having a good time making fun of random reality stars on the TV. I had another cocktail. And another. And maybe one more.
When I finally got to my machine, I was flying, which is usually a recipe for disaster. As it were though, my timing was perfect. The machine was hot. I hit 3 four of a kinds and finally got the Four Aces with Any 2,3,4. It was Double Double Bonus Poker, which is my typical game.
This only pays half the Royal Flush but I was so happy to see my namesake again on this trip. The manager comped me a few more drinks and I am not sure how I got back to my hotel. Love love love this casino.
In Deadwood, there are a ton of other casinos and I popped into and out of a bunch: The Station, Tin Lizzie, Gem, Mineral Palace and others. Each has its own flavor and attraction. This is a great town to visit!
Mystic Lake, Minneapolis
“Hey Victor, how close to Minneapolis would you advise staying during massive protests and riots?” For me, the answer is easy. Mystic Lake. This casino is beautiful. The hotel rooms, the bars, the restaurants, the machines ($1 Double Super Times Pay, $2 Video Poker, and with Triple Double!) and the people are just perfect. I felt welcomed and cared for from the get-go. And the irony, that if I had come a few days earlier as planned, I would have stayed in the city. Again, my timing was perfect.
Despite the riots, this casino was focused on keeping their strict COVID measures in place, so you really couldn’t do much, but I could see how this place could be an amazing destination. On a Wednesday night, there were plenty of people at the bar, social distancing and conversing through their masks). I had another long gambling session. I think I played for eight hours on $300 (that’s CRAZY).
In the morning, when I woke, I went for breakfast and there was a bit of a crowd. To respect the social distance, I did my part and went to a video pokes machine. I hit a jackpot or two before my breakfast, and was back on the road before 12. The timing was so perfect, I even got a free gift that became available at 11!
Davenport, IA Casinos: Capri Isle by The Sea and Rhythm Casino
Davenport, Iowa, has a number of casinos, and I had planned to stay in this town from the beginning so I could visit a friend, even moved some things around to hit this spot (forced trip means RED FLAG). I stayed at The Isle of Capri. It sits on the river and externally is a pretty casino. Inside the casino, I was underwhelmed. Their machine selection was meh (no $2 Video Poker, no $1 Super Times Pay, limited other machines too). Their rooms were dated (I will say very clean though). Oh and boy did I get murdered on the machines I did play. Finally, due to the riots, Davenport had enacted a curfew and the casino was forced to close down at 8 PM. Crazy times.
In the morning, I went over to the Rhythm casino. This is a very handsome casino with a small Vegas look and feel. I won a couple bucks playing what machines they had (still no $2 Video Poker or any Super Times Pay I could play) and should have left up but I was chasing my losses from the night before. I got smoked and hit the road asking myself why I didn’t stand up when I hit my second four of a kind.
There were many other casinos on the road home, and I wish I could say visited them, but this COVID thing impacted so many states they were still closed when I passed through. I could have sat around for a day or two as they opened (by now we were into June and many of the casinos were turning the lights back on), but if Davenport reminded me of anything, it’s that timing is everything. And now wasn’t the time. I’ll be back again, someday, probably 😉
Epilogue
It was early June and my family was looking for me. I didn’t want them to worry about me traveling, so I turned off my location services in Cali. I answered the Facetimes and Google Duo video calls only when I was outdoors. For all intents and purpose, my fam considered me on the West Coast. It was a Saturday night when I finally pulled into my Northeastern Pennsylvania driveway, and I was exhausted.
Through pics shared on the family chat, I could see we were having a fireplace social distance gathering. So, I disinfected myself one more time (as we have all done now so many times) and snuck into their backyard behind the fireplace. I watched them chat and fool around for a while and when it felt right, I called out, “HEY YOU GUYS!!!!”
The nieces and nephews looked at each other, “Dad?” But their dads were just as confused as they were. Again, I called out, “HEY YOU GUYS!!!” Now the entire crew was MAD confused. No one knew what was up. My brother pulled the beer back from his lips, “Chunk? From Goonies?”
I stepped out from behind the fire place, “It’s Sloth, but close enough.” The whole crew was shocked, and we stared at each other because we really can’t hug or do any of that good nonsense just yet. My brother in law looked at me, “What the hell are you doing here?”
I looked at the beer in his hand, “It’s been a long ride. I could use a drink.” The entire family ran into the house to go grab me a cocktail.
I sat down in a chair, spaced in front of the fire near my sister. She sat – a smug smile on her face. My niece rushes to hand me a glass of scotch.
My sister says, “You’re home.”
All I can say back is, “Perfect Timing.”
